Here's a rundown of some of the more promising names in child-labor media. Some of the names will probably look familiar to you, since these kids are famous. Far more famous than most media hacks. In other words, they're coming for your job, loudly.

The Dating Advice Kid

Name: Alec Greven

Age: 10

Summary: His dating-advice book How To Talk To Girls is supposed to become a movie; he now reportedly plans How To Talk To Moms, How To Talk To Dads, How To Talk To Santa and How To Talk To Grandparents. Original publisher HarperCollins is presumably working with him on all of the followups.

More: Here's video of young Alec.

British Blog Boy Wonder

Name: Scott Campbell

Age: 14

Summary: Started British news website, contributes to BBC and various newspapers

More: Campbell is CEO of Net News Daily; with co-founder and editor-in-chief Nathan Adam, he claims 100,000 unique visitors per month, and has scored freelance gigs with the BBC (left) and writes a regular column for the newspaper First News. Asked earlier this year in a Guardian profile how the economic downturn was affecting his business, he said, "I'm 13, so therefore don't have a lot to lose in the financial crisis."

The Lil' Food Critic

Name: David Fishman

Age: 12

Summary: Aspiring food critic profiled in the New York Times; his Upper West Side New York tablehopping has been optioned by Lorne Michaels for a movie.

More: "As I left, I knew that soon enough this would be one of the most ‘hip' places in the city."

(Image via Rachel Ray)

The Pint-Sized Political Pundit

Name: Jonathan Krohn

Age: 13

Summary: Talk-radio regular and self-published author became a smash hit when he spoke at the CPAC right-wing convention.

More: The home-schooled youth practiced public speaking at Christian Youth Theater plays and calling in to Bill Bennett's radio show. Has appeared on CBS News and Today. His endorsement was sought by a Georgia gubernatorial candidate.

Barack Obama's Journalist 'Homeboy'

Name: Damon Weaver

Age: 11

Summary: A successful quest to interview President Barack Obama made him the talk of cable news.

More: After ending an earlier interview with vice presidential contender Joe Biden with, "Senator Biden is now my homeboy," got permission from Obama to also be the president's "homeboy." Has completed such other White House Press Corps rites of passage as attending the inauguration on a media pass and dissing an MSNBC talking head.

The Teenaged Tech Titan

Name: Daniel Brusilovsky

Age: 16

Summary: Founder and CEO, TeensInTech.com; product evangelist for video-casting service Qik; writer for TechCruch; has 120,000 followers on his "Verified" Twitter account.

More: He's an adviser to at least two companies; his parents used to shuttle him to and from tech conferences; says you should be persistent to reach your goals. More here.

(Pic by Randy Stewart)

• Rupert Murdoch is still willing to pour money into the New York newspaper wars, "decline of the newspaper industry" be damned. He will not rest until he can claim superiority over the NYT as a general interest paper in the NYC market. Or he will die trying, literally!
• People most likely to be angry about this: The WSJ's Boston bureau, which was recently closed.
• People who should be most worried about this: New York Post staffers. Every dollar Rupert puts into the WSJ is a dollar that he's not putting into the Post. Which already has very good local coverage, in a vile tabloidy way.
• People who may view this news with keen interest: The 100 New York Times newsroom staffers who have to be gone by the end of the year. "Hiring," you say?

That's according to Peter Norvig (pictured), Google's director of research, former Google director of search quality and former head of the Computational Sciences division at the NASA Ames research center. Here's what Norvig tells Peter Seibel in a Q&A in the new book Coders at Work (emphasis added):

One of the interesting things we've found, when trying to predict how well somebody we've hired is going to perform when we evaluate them a year or two later, is one of the best indicators of success within the company was getting the worst possible score on one of your interviews. We rank people from one to four, and if you got a one on one of your interviews, that was a really good indicator of success.

Small suggestion: Maybe Google can take these genius employees and have them, hmmm, we dunno, debug the frickin' broken interview process. Those who demanded they be hired should probably also be enlisted in the debugging effort. Writes Norvig:

Ninety-nine percent of the people who got a one in one of their interviews we didn't hire. But the rest of them, in order for us to hire them somebody else had to be so passionate that they pounded on the table and said, "I have to hire this person because I see something in him..."

Unfortunately, Google's had already done most of its hiring/rejecting and is now has been in layoff mode for much of this year. But, hey, there's always the next bubble.

UPDATE: A Goolge spokesperson disputed that the company was "in layoff mode," as we wrote, and stated: "To the contrary, we have been very explicit... that we are stepping our rate of hiring." Indeed, CEO Eric Schmidt stated in a discussion of Q3 results that "we're going to invest in people. We're already stepping up our hiring." That's in contrast to earlier this year, when Google had three rounds of layoffs from January through the end of March.

(Pic: Norvig, by Mathieu Thouvenin)

The GDP numbers released this morning were better than expected, and were driven by a 3.4% increase in consumer spending. What this means is that everyone's expectations will be higher in the future about the strength and pace of the recovery, according to the Wall Street Journal:

"The data is suggesting that the economy does have some strength behind it, and that growth itself is going to be on the higher end of expectations," said Kent Engelke, chief economic strategist at Capitol Securities Management.

We're very happy for the economy and its excellent quarter. How did American human beings do last quarter? Let's have a look:

• Personal income decreased .5%, or $15.5 billion.
• Personal income taxes withheld increased $4.8 billion.
• Total personal spending increased .7%, or $20.4 billion
• Personal savings dropped 33% from the previous quarter.
• The number of new jobless claims last week was virtually unchanged from the previous week.

To recap: Your income decreased by $15.5 billion while your spending increased by $20.4 billion and your taxes increased by $4.8 billion, resulting in a 33% drop in "savings," which means the amount of money you have. And you still don't have a job. This recovery is going to be awesome.

On the upside, the total number of people on unemployment has dropped to 5.8 million, the lowest number in seven months, according to Bloomberg. That's great until you think of all the people who have dropped off the rolls because their benefits ran out.

Bloomberg also reports that Caterpillar has started rehiring some of its laid-off employees, finally fulfilling a promise that Barack Obama made about the stimulus package eight months ago. These things take time.

Through sophisticated reporting techniques that primarily involve Smokin' Smarties, the WSJ has found that America is "a country in a decidedly negative mood" about the economy, just weeks after we were in a great fucking mood cause the stock market was BACK BABY. Now we're all sad again.

It's called crack cocaine, America. Stop doing it, get some mood stabilizers, and pull yourself up by the bootstraps. That means take your ass to night school until 2:30 a.m. like the other knowledge-crazed poors. Sleep in the closet, then catch your 6 a.m. class before work! It's the American way.

And here's what's not the American way: trains. Spending money on trains! Did Henry Ford make all his money from trains, to make Detroit our greatest city? No, he made cars. Look it up. That's like the opposite of trains. Earlier robber barons did indeed make fortunes on trains, but that has nothing to do with Detroit, or the economic fact we are about to drop on your head from a lofty altitude: "Amtrak loses an average of $32 for every passenger who boards one of its trains." Loses, it says! If you ride Amtrak you are literally costing the taxpayers money. Just hitchhike, like a normal hobo. Print out this post and use it to explain to your night school teacher why you were late to class.

Stop sulking. Go to school. Get off the train and walk. Star in a mawkish music video by Ryan Star that plays your unemployment predicament for sympathy and inspiration. That's been the formula for getting a job in the USA ever since George Washington chopped down a neighbor's cherry tree and then demanded payment, while holding and axe. And it hasn't changed since then. So get with the program.
[Pic via]

The exact numbers of the NYT's departments aren't quite as cloaked in mystery as the New Yorker's masthead, for example, but it is hard to get up-to-date figures. Until now! The striking thing, of course, is just how many people it takes to put this paper out. ("Takes" is the wrong word. How many people they use). Some of the biggies:

Reporters at Metro: 50
Size of Business Desk: 85
Size of Washington Bureau: 45
Total size of Art Department: 113
Size of Metro: 103

The Metro desk appears to be the paper's biggest, as we've always heard. Fifty reporters. More than enough to put out an entire newspaper in a third-tier city. Think about that while also thinking about the meager size of Metro's space in the NYT Some of the paper's sections seem reasonable, or even shoestring—Dining and Week in Review both have staffs of five. So why does the Book Review—also a weekly section largely written by freelancers—need 14 editors?

It's a mystery. But we know 100 people will be gone from the newsroom by the end of the year. And we'll probably never see numbers this high at the NYT again.
[Full list at the NYO. Pic: AP]

In the average major American city, there are hundreds upon hundreds of teenage girls working as prostitutes.

In Los Angeles, two loan modification agents were lured to a house, tied up, and beaten for hours by several people. "The two allegedly sought loan modification assistance from the victims but believed that nothing was being done and wanted their money back," according to the district attorney's office.

In Iceland, you can no longer get McDonald's. The company is pulling out of the entire country after Iceland's currency collapse.

Any one of those facts could make you spend your last $1.37 on a piece of scrap metal that could be fashioned into a suicide implement using a little All-American gumption. But try to put things in perspective. You think teenage prostitutes, torture-charges soon-to-be-evictees, and McNuggetless Icelanders have it bad? It could be worse. You could get a job. Then you'd have to stop maxin and relaxin and going to the gym at noon and playing video games and all that good unemployed shit. People with jobs: the real victims.

When do we get our sympathy?
[Pic: Flickr]

We're hearing from multiple sources that a major round of layoffs will be hitting Forbes next week. So if you work at Forbes...um, just be nervous, I guess. And if you know more details, email us.


Danyel Smith was the editor of Vibe. Then Vibe folded. Then she got a job as editor of TheRoot.com. Now, after just six weeks on the job, she's quitting "because of issues related to her commute." Huh. Well I was coming home late one dark afternoon/ A reporter stopped me for an interview/ She said she heard stories and she heard fables/ That I'm vicious on the mic, and the turntable/ This young reporter I did adore/ So I rocked a vicious rhyme like I never did before/ She said 'Damn fly guy I'm in love with you'/ And the Casanova legend must have been true/ I said: TELECOMMUTE.
Hip hop has a message.


Details from a tipster regarding this week's cutbacks at Conde Nast Traveler: "A majority of the full-time research staff was 'severed.' Although, purportedly, there will be an arrangement in the coming weeks for those let go to remain as freelancers—a mitigating demotion, ostensibly. But the axe also fell on some editorial and copy edit staff, and several other senior editors, while not fully terminated, will see their work weeks shortened to two or three days only." That's marginally better than being laid off!


An 80 year-old man who retired as Baltimore's AP bureau chief in 1991 killed himself last weekend after being charged with molesting two young boys.

I got a lot of impressive applications (I apologize if I haven't been able to respond to you individually yet) and I've asked a few to be guest night editors. There'll be a few more over the next week or two. If you'd like to be one of them, the new #openmicnights tag page (I tried to explain our open forums here) is the place to show off your talents.

So, here's the plan for the #openmicnights forum: First, you need a commenter account. (If you don't have one, register for one and leave a comment below saying you'd like to try out and I'll approve your account.) I'd like to see you write your best example of a Gawker post using the "Share" box on the #openmicnights tag page: a snappy headline, compelling lede and sharply written item. Also, since there are tools to upload images and video, I'm looking for an eye for visuals. Lastly, be sure to include the #openmicnights hashtag so that your post appears on the tag page.

You will be graded based on quality of writing, timeliness, copy editing and ability to follow these instructions. In short, I'm looking for writing polished enough that we could run it on the front page.

The stage is yours. Have a blast.

Image via Thomas Hawk's Flickr

As you will see, The System is working around the clock to make you a productive member of society once again. Need to go out looking for a job? We're slashing subway fares to make it easier for you to do so, at 3 o'clock in the morning. Need some help tracking down the right position? We're making a Match.com for employment, to put the unparalleled success of online dating at landing you your dream date to work landing you your dream job! And if you do find that dream job—defined as "A $13 per hour gig at an Indiana trucking company"—you can be sure that 500 others will be right there with you to apply for the same position, to ensure you get to test yourself against the very best.

We will also enable you to stay in your below-market-rate apartment a bit longer.

Verily, The System is lining everything up in your favor. It's time to do your part. It could be much, much worse for you. You could be on Wall Street. We're capping those guys at $500k, not including stock options. Can you fucking imagine? Appreciate what you have.
[Pic via]

There's been talk of insular Bloomberg gutting BusinessWeek and moving the financial information company's own staff; even if things don't go that far, it's hard to imagine the editor atop the financially troubled magazine finding much of a leadership for himself at Bloomberg.

(Pic: Adler, Getty Images.)

• WIRED: Wired.com laid off two top editors earlier this month. Today, tipsters tell us "at least six people" were canned at Wired—a mix of editorial and ad sales employees, including at least one veteran editor.
• Glamour: At least a half dozen editorial layoffs today. This follows at least seven business side layoffs there earlier this month, including a reality TV star.
• Lucky: At least four editorial layoffs today.

If you don't work at the New Yorker, be nervous.
UPDATE: Then again—a tipster tells us "at least 7 people let go from ad sales and creative services over the past 3 weeks" at the New Yorker. But uh, editorial side should be perfectly safe.
[Pic: AP]

We're changing up Gawker's night shift a bit. Ryan Tate was an expert one-man band when he established night editor position, working from night til dawn, monitoring night-time television and the morning's breaking news. It may be too much to expect one person to duplicate him, so we're going to try splitting the gig into two half-shifts:

Early shift Early is relative, of course, as it'll run from, say, 8pm to midnight EST, Sunday through Thursday. Much of what we post on the site during that time is based on what's happening on TV, so the focus of the gig would be monitoring news and chat shows and finding clips and posting commentary as it airs. Of course, news can happen any time — juicy tips arrive around the clock, old media orgs are still fond of posting their biggest storiess at night — this person needs to be able to handle breaking news.

Late shift This shift would run from around 2am to 6am EST, also Sunday through Thursday. These hours are grueling hours for someone in New York, so it would be particularly well-suited for someone in the U.K., Australia or the West Coast. The main focus is making sure that Gawker has a jump on the major stories of the day by the time we're waking up in NYC. Writing experience is vital, as is a strong voice and news judgment.

If you're interested in either position, please email me at gabriel@gawker.com with a convincing argument for why you're right for the job. Be sure to say which shift you're applying for.

Image via DbS Count Zero's flickr

Who's happiest of all that one huge financial news outlet (Bloomberg) bought another huge financial news outlet (Businessweek)? Flacks. Via Media Decoder:

"I think that News Corp. has reduced their reporting of core financial markets at The Wall Street Journal. and they haven't had a lot of competition, but now they will, which is great for those of us who are working to help companies get their message across," said Paul Taaffe, chief executive of Hill & Knowlton. "This is a big deal for financial news the world over. It is a total game changer for companies trying to release information, because now there is competition, and competition elevates everybody's game."

Huh. What he's actually saying here is "Bloomberg combining with BW means there's less competition and fewer news outlets, which makes the job of PR people easier." Fixed.


Big Think interviewed the New Yorker's Calvin Trillin. What did he have to say? Well, he says that kids these days don't really know shit about journalism, not like they used to, at least; and then in the second clip he says kids these days don't know shit about real journalism, not like they used to, at least. And he's right!


And meanwhile: The New Yorker has hired somebody. That's crazy! Well. They hired Nick Trautwein away from Penguin Press to replace departed senior editor Emily Eakin, who left the mag for medical reasons, according to John Koblin. Still. Hire?? Crazy!


Conde Nast dumped much of the sales staff at Brides and replace them with ex-Cookie staffers. But that might not have been the brightest idea—Keith Kelly says that move has caused "the magazine to hemorrhage ad pages." Well that's a totally unexpected consequence of an otherwise savvy management move. NOT, haha. Zinger.


The Washington Post has hired Katherine Zaleski away from the Huffington Post. Who's she? A well-connected, wealthy young woman with her own El Dorado apartment. Uh, journalism pays!

She got nine months in jail. Which is not too bad, considering all that stuff she did, allegedly. KSL.com reports:

The 22-year-old pleaded guilty in August to third-degree felony forgery, two misdemeanor counts of issuing a bad check or draft and one misdemeanor count each of attempted forgery, attempted identify fraud and attempted issuing a bad check or draft.

Ferrell on Friday was given credit for 132 days she already served behind bars. She also was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine and $4,194 in restitution.

Bucky Turco notes that she actually beat one of her charges. Way to be! We don't know whether Kari will get time off for good behavior, but either way she should be free before Valentine's Day—just in time for our Win a Date With Kari contest.

But ex-cons need jobs. What's next for Kari? Yea, she can try the blogger thing, and maybe sell her story as a tell-all, or try to squeeze some money out of someone for a TV interview. But realistically that's not going to make her rich. Expand the book idea, hmmm? She can write a guide to picking up hipsters, or something. Tell men how to get hipster women. And how to tell if they're grifters! Get it at the Barnes & Noble checkout racks all across Middle America! Who else is better positioned to explain the young artsy coastal elites to citizens of Utah-like states? Build your brand, Kari! Build your brand!

Email us and we'll help. Also, stop all the crime stuff. That's mean.

[Oh and FYI Hipster Grifter Halloween costumes are one of the very coolest ones you can wear this year, according to TONY. Make a note! Nerd.]

Amanda was laid off from a magazine job, and now has to scrape by as a wage slave blogger in Laurel Touby's empire—where she's reportedly paid one third her previous salary. Meanwhile, Laurel Touby and her husband are taking a few months off right now just to travel around the world, doing whatever they like. Hm.

Under these circumstances, it's probably okay you didn't get a chance to shout out Fishbowl NY, Amanda. Good luck out there.

The short version: "EIC...(Unpaid)." As our tipster wrote, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Sadly, no. Apply now!

EIC for Upcoming HIV/AIDS Online Magazine (Unpaid)
Job/Internship type:
Freelance
Company/Publication Name:
HIV/AIDS Online Magazine
Location:
—
Description:

The EIC will head the editorial department of a upcoming HIV/AIDS online
magazine. The mission of the online publication is to improve the quality
of life of those who are affected, infected, or are at high risk of
contracting HIV/AIDS.

Qualifications:
- Strong communication, interpersonal & leadership skills
- Extensive experience as a writer or editor
- Commitment to HIV/AIDS prevention and awareness

Roles & Responsibilities:
- Lead editorial board meetings online.
- The EIC's responsible for choosing writers to contribute to the
publication.
- Serve as "the face" of the publication by speaking with the press
and attending conferences.
- Oversee the publication's complete process from pitch submission to
article publication.

[Pic via]

The rap band has been a pioneer in digital media, selling MP3 files and building a collection of websites, including a rap portal, well before other artists. Frontman Chuck D has also been a frequent critic, going back at least two decades, of the recording industry. So while investors in the new album will get a cut of revenue, according to TechCrunch, they shouldn't emulate industry high rollers, at least if they're fans of the talent, who famously sang in "Swindler's Lust:"

Hand in my pocket rob me for my chocolate (eheheheh)

Mo' dollars, mo' cents, for the Big Six [record companies]

Another million led to bled, claimin innocence



...No pressure, tell me why they don't care

Rap and R&B pavin the streets of Bel-Air

From the sales of singers, no longer here

The bigger killer, get the bigger share (eheheheh)

Hands off Chuck's chocolate, crowdsourced investors. It's right there in the Terms & Conditions... boyyyyy.

We don't want you to automatically assume that the dream of a respectable corporate whore business career is dead, but it is. Example one: David Kratz, who sold out of a successful PR firm to go to art school, of all things. You can't paint money with a paintbrush and glitter and construction paper and safety scissors, David! Example two: young attorneys are being asked to "defer" the start of their soul-crushing corporate law careers to go flitting about outside the office bartending or waitressing or "hostessing" (ahem) or even pro-bonoing, which is completely beneath the grayish dignity of Morgan, Lewis & Bockius LLP and Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe LLP and other comically-monikered paper factories.

You people are doing it all wrong. The recession is not supposed to be about lawyers wasting valuable time to go trotting around hippieland "finding" themselves, without even billing the hours; the recession is supposed to be about family businesses shutting down and heartrending tales of people who already got laid off again after getting laid off the first time. The recession is supposed to be about failed land schemes in Alaska and retailers muttering futile prayers to Santa. And it's about debit card fees. More fucking stories about debit card fees than you ever could have imagined anyone would want to read, much less write. Jesus.
[Pic: The Flooz]

Ingles, reports the Los Angeles Times, was then fired. But Adams can't take all the blame: Ingels had to know it was coming. If you're going to tweet about which musician didn't wear a bra in your restaurant (Ali Harter), which Office star was hungover (BJ Novak) in your restaurant and which actress looked hot (Tori Spelling) in your restaurant, you probably aren't long for that restaurant. Especially if it's located in Beverly Hills.

Update: We had Adams' name wrong in the lead.

What is a "job," really? For millions of Americans, it's something they don't have. So why worry about it? Why try to be like all the successful generations that came before you? Why not "do your own thing," for sustenance?

If you don't have the balls to live the full-on unemployed life, don't worry: you have options. It doesn't have to be like an episode of The Office, without the humorous aspects! There are many new jobular models in the new employmongering paradigm. At Best Buy's headquarters, they have a "Results Only Work Environment," where there's no set hours, as long as the work gets done. Hippies love it! "One runs meetings by teleconference from his cabin near a lake; another does much of his work electronically while following his favorite rock band around the country."

Corporate hippies make me sick. Take a lesson from the CEO of Toyota: He stood up at a press conference and groveled his ass off, like a disgraced scared lonely child with muscular dystrophy wandering in a wolf-infested haunted forest of doom. He apologized for financial losses and safety issues and layoffs and, honest to god direct quote here, told the audience, "I'm sorry I am standing on a podium, standing above you."

All these new models so far are sickening. Is there any hope for Real Men? Yes: The New York City Building Department is still infested with mobsters. They hate hippies. They don't apologize for shit. And they die in jail. That's called a "job."

Yes—the Bogusky-type guys will cost you just as much as the most-plugged in corporate lawyer or shady DC lobbyist, according to Ad Age's report! I don't know why that seems ridiculous, on a comparative level. Let's agree they're all astoundingly expensive.

Down south they come cheaper, though. And various underlings with equally vague titles are slightly less expensive although still staggering. For example, "a director of client services in the New York Metro area billed an average of $453 an hour compared to $260 an hour at agencies in the middle part of the country."

At least someone is still grossly overpaid in this godforsaken country.

CASE IN POINT: Obama ends our protective missile shield. Bright side: Saves money. Dangerous money fire side: We will be killed by missiles.

See, it's easy for the power structure to convince the sheeple that something sounds good because it will be good for us. That's what they tell you. "Hey, we're going to put steep taxes on the sugary sodas you like because then you'll buy less of them and get less fat and cost The System less money when you get heart disease and diabetes and your teeth rot out from overconsumption of Coca-Cola and you didn't have health insurance because of a preexisting condition of overconsumption of Coca-Cola."

Did you catch the "code words" in there? "The System." That's what it's all about for these people, the bureaucrats of the power structure. What do you have that "The System" doesn't have? That's right—a heart. The Wizard of Oz was a warning. We haven't even learned. We sit around singing the White-Collar blues because we live in Michigan where the white collar job market has collapsed, and drowning our sorrows in mercifully as-yet-untaxed soda while the bureaucrats, the big shots, they pose like they're your buddies, see, like they really want to help you with all stuff. And you're so god damn distressed about this economy thing that you never take the time to ask yourself, "What are these government fellas spending all my taxes on, when I can't even afford a new white collar?"

Shark tanks. That's what. They're spending millions and millions buying bigger and bigger shark tanks to give free housing to more and more sharks and meanwhile there you are, the hardworking American, standing in the grocery store with tears streaming down your face and telling yourself, "Look on the bright side, at least grocery prices are coming down!" And the whole time the price of one grocery isn't coming down at all: Blue shark meat, because fisherman consider it to have no commercial value. But the government man thinks it has value: Millions of your tax dollars to build that shark a big tank. Then you have to pay to go see it.

What a world.
[Pic via]

Though it's garnered $25 million in venture investment, HuffPo in January was making about one fourth the revenue of content competitor Salon.com, valued at just $700,000 by the public markets. This might explain why Eric Hippeau, the investor CEO recently installed to fix HuffPo's finances, has hired former Yahoo ad chief Greg Coleman as president and chief revenue officer, as reported by Kara Swisher of All Things . Coleman shoves aside, then, current Chief Revenue Office James Smith, who has been at HuffPo for nearly three years after stints at AOL and IAC.

We can't say that's a terrible move, given Smith's track record, but it's by no means a given that Coleman can go much further selling HuffPo's notoriously sketchy pageviews. But then he, too, has worked at AOL, known as much for its dodgy accounting and traffic-goosing as for its wholesome oxfords-and-khaki corporate uniform (Coleman remains a fan). So there's some hope.

Armstrong, the former golden boy of Google's advertising side, was hired just this past spring and has long been expected to initiate a massive restructuring. In his memo, he discusses a strategy session that nailed down where, exactly, the company is going. He also confirms his first two firings, reported previously by Business Insider: longtime company execs Kim Partoll, the COO, and Local, Mapping and Search boss John Kannapell. Both were hired shortly after AOL's disastrous merger with Time Warner.



He also mentions a "Project Everest:"

We have a strong strategy and we need to be laser focused on execution. We are planning another video update next week with a progress report on Project Everest, and I look forward to seeing you all then.

We look forward to that video, too! Full memo:

Sure, mama could probably get her some sweet gig in fashion but what is Bee Shaffer, just some rich mama's girl out to waste her life in a field that doesn't have real world impact? No. She wants to be in theater. And apparently Anna Wintour's name means nothing in the competitive field of theater, because, why would it, right? From Gatecrasher:

In fact, the 22-year-old former Teen Vogue contributing editor went on a staggering 24 interviews since graduating from Columbia in May - all of them unsuccessful.

Uh, think we've nailed down the problem here, "Bee" "Shaffer"-Wintour: if you worked at Teen Vogue, you have obviously seen Twilight.

But that's not your only problem. Your other, main problem is you don't name-drop enough. What's wrong with you, crazy girl? We have a Gawker internship with your name ("Anna Wintour's daughter") on it.
[Pic: Getty]

How much would you pay for the dulcet writings of one Julia Allison, famous thinker of the internet? One editor asked JA about doing some freelance work, and here is the price she was quoted, via email:

Um ... you're going to have a heart attack :)

I'm at $4 / word, which works out to be about $ 2,500 - $3k for an
article / column.

I for one am having a heart attack, right now. Entrepreneurialism! Can this be true, on the actual planet, Earth? JA tells us via IM that yes, it is true. And that some unknown customers out there are in fact paying her this much money, for writing words for them. [Here is a thing JA is doing now, if you are really curious and masochistic.] So, you should be inspired that it's still possible to "make it," struggling writers. [Gunshot].


OC Register sports columnist Mark Whicker has used the "Let me fill in the victim of a tragedy on all the sports news they have missed" trope before! He tells Poynter: "In 1991 he followed up on journalist Terry Anderson's release after being held captive in Lebanon for close to seven years by writing about all the sports news he had missed." Also Whicker doesn't believe his column "mocked that woman" at all. Mark, just take a few days off from answering phone calls now.


Trendy! The latest addition to the growing canon of laid-off journalists writing about their new, non-journalism jobs: Jay Field, a former public radio journalist who now drives a taxi. And blogs about it! Man. Kind of sucks cause that would have made a good experiential public radio piece.


Folksy human Garrison Keillor is recovering after suffering a "minor stroke" yesterday Monday. He's reportedly up and working already, so hopefully it was, in fact, minor.

[Teen Vogue editor Amy] Astley recalled a recent job applicant who was clearly unqualified to work at her magazine.

"I interviewed someone who hadn't seen ‘Twilight,' " she said. "You can't work at Teen Vogue if you haven't seen ‘Twilight.'"

That cuts it down to 87 million people. Next, those of you not related to Conde Nast executives may also leave.

Fashion!

Weepy, yes. But oh well. This is definitely Dov Charney's best side. Click to enlarge:

RESPONSIBILITIES

• Prepare monthly financial reporting for executives.
• Oversee accounts payable, monthly reconciliation, expense reports, credit card charges.
• Oversee accounts receivable (revenue recognition, billing discrepancies, credit memos, and other accounts receivable issues).
• Calculate monthly contractor pay and bonus using pageview data and other metrics.
• Prepare monthly, quarterly, and annual journal entries at the close of each accounting period.
• Take a leadership role in defining and implementing scalable financial processes to improve financial analysis, improve data integrity, and ultimately support the growth of our business.
• Develop and maintain a consistency in management reporting analysis that allows management to focus on essential finance issues.
• Work with accountant, bank officers, and other outside advisers as necessary.

QUALIFICATIONS

• BA/BS degree in a quantitative field of study or equivalent experience.
• Minimum 3 years finance experience, online media industry strongly preferred.
• Prior management experience.
• Very organized, with meticulous attention to detail.
• Comfort with all things internet.
• Strong written and verbal communication skills. Ability to distill complex concepts and insights into actionable information.
• Intermediate to advanced Excel skills, experience with NetSuite a huge plus.

Salary commensurate with experience. Could be a great fit for someone with perhaps less management experience but highly motivated to take on a challenging new position and grow and develop into the role. Please state your salary expectations in your cover letter.

To apply, send resume, cover letter, and salary requirements to financejob AT gawker DOT com.

Let's go to that nut graf from the newest encouraging newspaper industry survey!

Most of the 95 editors responding to the August survey said their newsroom staffs had shrunk by more than 10 percent during the past year. And workers between 18 and 35 years old represented the largest age group affected by the layoffs, buyouts and attrition, the survey found.

Way to build for the technological future! Anyone doubting the sunny future of the newspaper industry hates democracy.

When it's in the NYT Style section, you know it's true: Wall Streeters are flocking back to working with their hands! Inspired by Shop Class as Soulcraft—a book written by a man with a Ph.D, health care from his wife, and a career in academia to fall back on should he ever get tired of repairing motorcycles (which, by the way, is pretty far towards the "awesome" end of the spectrum of hands-on labor, assuming you like motorcycles)—as well as by Deadliest Catch and shit like that, allegedly, former bankers are flocking to uber-satisfying world of backbreaking manual labor. You people are obviously doing it wrong:

"I am having fun and learning again," [a banker-turned-floor refinisher] said. "Floors are living, breathing things. They expand when it gets humid, and they contract when it gets dry, and every floor is different."

See, a cool and romantic blue collar job would be something more along the lines of "longshoreman" or "race care engine rebuilder" or "flamethrower tester." Don't fuck up the fantasy, guys.

This email went out today to News Media Guild members, informing them of two sudden layoffs in the AP's entertainment department:

Folks, AP terminated two New York Entertainment staffers today that
alarmed many staffers because of the suddenness of the cuts and choice
of the affected staffers.
We had no idea the layoffs were coming. AP cuts staff without
providing advance notice to the union. Responding to a Guild inquiry,
AP said Doug Rowe, a long service employee with broad experience, has
exerted his seniority right to other work in the New York City bureau
that he is qualified for. We believe Rowe's contract rights were
ignored and are hopeful he will be offered another position. Disputed
terminations can be arbitrated. Another staffer with three years
service was released. AP must give a staffer four weeks advance
written notice or pay in lieu of notice. It chose to issue four weeks
pay in their cases.

Correction of the day, from the Brandeis student paper via Regret The Error: "The original article provided the incorrect location of New York University's new institution. It is in Abu Dhabi, not Abu Ghraib." They'll have to correct that again when NYU Abu Ghraib opens up in six months.


NY Daily News restaurant critic and Josh Stein favorite Danyelle "Restaurant Girl" Freeman has been dropped by the paper, and she says she won't be replaced. The NYT counts Freeman as the four-and-a-halfth NYC food critic to get dropped in the past year or so. Meanwhile Frank Bruni is sitting at home right now eating fried money.


Slogan of the Society of Professional Journalists "Convention and National Journalism Conference," which starts today: "You've heard of 12-step recovery programs. Now try SPJ's seven-step program for career success!" Yea, you know you've heard of 12-step recovery programs.


Employee Appreciation Week at Incisive Media continues. Today's exciting email offer(!):

As Labor Day approaches, many of you will be spending time with family
and friends cooking your favorite summer dishes.

As part of Employee Appreciation Week We Want to Know...
"What is your favorite summer recipe?"

Please e-mail your response no later then 3:00 PM Friday — only one
entry per employee please. All submissions will be entered into a
drawing to win a $25.00 gift card from a list of retailers (including
Barnes & Noble, The Gap, Banana Republic, Home Depot, Olive Garden, and
Bath & Body Works). We will publish some of the recipes on InHouse so
everyone will be able to enjoy them.

!!!

To get to the bottom of this real estate crisis, the NYT basically opened a bureau on Beth Court in Moreno Valley, CA to chronicle how everyone is losing jobs and homes and shit. Did you read the million-word epic story yesterday? It was pretty good! But that was before I knew there would be another Beth Court story today, and probably another one tomorrow, until we are all screaming "I just do not care that much about the wavering job prospects of the Winkler family of Beth Court and all of their god damn neighbors! If I had wanted to watch '49 Up' I would have rented that documentary film, and watched it!"

The other problem here: while the NYT focuses its eyes hungrily on disputes over ice cream trucks among nosy neighbors in the Inland Empire, their very own city called New York City is going straight to hell, economically. Maybe you have not looked at the Hamptons real estate market since it was all crazy? Well now it is positively plebeian. Maybe you remember the days when young people in New York dreamed of being investment bankers? Now they dream of being plumbers. Artists? Now they are movers.

Crime still exists, in New York, where people take money from other people, by force, because one person wants money because of the recession.

So sure, sure, we're sure the minutiae of eight families living in a godforsaken suburban cul-de-sac in Hellville, California, are interesting and offer a glimpse at one small slice of the larger economic narrative of blah blah blah and the "mayor" of the street who calls the cops on the neighbors, is that guy a dick or what? Just don't forget us, media—the poor aspiring plumbing apprentices of New York. Because plumbers make way more than reporters.
[Pic via]

Our video editor Richard Blakeley is looking for interns who can ferret out the newsworthy, entertaining and absurd moments from the hours of infotainment that fills our DVRs every day in exchange for resume-enhancing video editing experience.

The schedule is flexible but requires a minimum of 15 hours a week over the course of four months and you must be able to come work in our NYC-based office. College internship credit available to those who qualify. Please email Richard at tvinternship@gawker.com and convince him how much you love TV. No attachments, please.

Photo via YivaS's flickr.

John Koblin at the NYO reports that Sam Dolnick, who's currently an AP reporter in India, will be joining the NYT's metro desk, starting next month. Dolnick is "grandnephew to former Times publisher Arthur Ochs "Punch" Sulzberger." [He seems to be a qualified reporter as well!]

So here's what we need:

1. A photo of this man, Sam Dolnick, for scrutinization purposes.
2. An explanation from someone more genealogically inclined than me of how exactly Dolnick is related to Pinch Sulzberger and his son, A to the muthafuckin G. Nephew and cousin, respectively? Not sure! [UPDATE: Here is a Sulzberger family tree.]
3. A steady stream of tips of office gossip from inside the newsroom.

Thanks.
[Pic via]